Adventures in living a healthy, juicy life
by Cheryl Ragsdale
After reviewing some of the feedback I’ve been getting from doing the “How To Stand Up For Yourself” series, I’ve decided to add surveys to the mix to help understand what people have been dealing with.
As I travel around the web reading people’s blog posts about their experiences with bullies or bullying behavior, I’m amazed at the lack of preparedness.
We get surprised by someone – who is supposedly on our side – saying something explosive or downright nasty.
Most of us don’t know what to do next.
When I was sixteen, a weirdo flashed me and my friend as we walked by on our way home from shopping. We were shocked and terrified as we ran away screaming.
Neither of us had ever run so fast for so long.
What’s weird is that we didn’t tell anyone. We lived on a military base. The guy looked like a soldier (I don’t remember why I thought that) – he looked like the actor, James Caan, to me. We could have identified him in a line-up, I suppose.
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Why didn’t we tell anyone?
Too embarrassed.
Too afraid.
Thought we did something to attract that kind of attention.
When you feel disrespected by someone, do you talk to other people about it or do you suffer in silence?
If you have specific questions, suggestions, advice or just something you want to add to the conversation, please leave your comments in the comment box located mid-way down the page on the right hand side of this post.
Please take a minute to complete the survey below. We all need help in this area. Maybe something that gets discussed on this blog will save someone some heartache or provide some needed relief.
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Cheryl Ragsdale practices martial arts for fun and physical fitness at Florian Martial Arts Center. Stand up for yourself and stay young from the inside out.
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Twitter: SenseiMattKlein
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This guy violated your rights even though he did not lay a hand on you. You were scared enough to run away screaming. If you had been my younger sister, I would have gone back down there looking for that scum.
It is interesting to see how people place the blame on themselves or somehow think they deserved it. I see that as a very common theme, however. Nevertheless, he should have been punished so this scene did not replay itself. As a grown woman, you would let him have it with both barrels if it happened again I am sure. A child or teen lacks the confidence to handle that kind of situation and he took advantage of that fact.
SenseiMattKlein@kids martial arts sydney´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..Just Start Drawing- Kids Karate Sensei Becomes White Belt Again–Part Two
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hello SenseiMatt,
You’re exactly right about the difference between how I would handle an incident like this today compared to how I handled it back in the 70′s. Kids today see a lot more sexual activity on their TVs than we did. I watch Armed Forces TV network – just family shows and sports. Thank you for saying that you would have stuck up for me by chasing after that guy. It’s important that we recognize that we have people around us who will stand up and say something to help defend us. Sounds like a topic for another blog post. Join in anytime! I’d love to have you write something up about kids defending themselves against unexpected attacks.
Cheryl´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..How To Stand Up For Yourself Even When Everyone Else Has Given Up On You
Twitter: thoughtbubble
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Recently, a neighbor, widowed about a year ago, seemed to find some comfort talking to me when we happened to bump into each other on the street – usually when I was on my walks.
Just before Christmas, he thought I might be interested in having dinner with him. I wasn’t, but didn’t want to be too brutal in telling him immediately.
Also, I wanted to explore within me, if I could find a reason and the generosity of spirit and the courage (I really did not want to encourage him in any way) to have a meal with him.
One day, I noticed him follow me to work (I walk to the store I work at). It scared me, but it also helped me decide not to have dinner with him.
In the past, this kind of thing would have frightened me and also evoked feelings of guilt (had I done something to make this happen?).
I would not have have concluded, as I do these days, that each person is responsible for their thoughts, actions and reactions and that my actions have to be ultimately evaluated according to my intentions.
If my intentions are good and sincere, I almost always find the courage to stand by them and stand up to anyone who attempts to take advantage of me.
And even if I should find (in hindsight) that I may have not been as sincere or good-willed, I know I have the right and the ability to keep myself safe and free of other people’s actions or intentions.
It’s not so easy to explain fully what I mean here but I thought I’d give it a go
TBT´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..No- this is not fess up time- but have you noticed similar things about yourself too
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hey Thoughtbubble,
Nice to have you visiting again! I understand what you’re saying. You’re expressing the subtle nuance of what I’m presenting with this How To Stand Up For Yourself series. Noticing that little uncomfortable feeling when it first starts ringing alarm bells will head off uncomfortable situations later on. Honor your feelings. Thank you for sharing this experience with us.
Cheryl´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..How To Stand Up For Yourself Even When Everyone Else Has Given Up On You
This is very true! In my research on line with FBI statistic database and through the YWCA, there is a belief that 3 out of 10 woman have encountered an incident that is graphically horrifying and have reported it to the proper authorities. This means that 7 out of 10 have not reported these incedents to the police.
Please check the YWCA website for Violence on Women. Even worse, men have a higher rate that is not reported, but I can’t find and statistics on it yet.
Anyway, I’d also like to add that not all military members are bad. There are jerk, there are people who shouldn’t be in the military, and there are some who you could trust your life and country with. It’s not a perfect system of weeding out the crazies, but if you report them especially nowadays, things will be taken care of.
Elmer Querubin´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..The Importance of an Emergency Savings Fund
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hi Elmer,
Your statistic about women reporting incidents is interesting. I think the reason that we don’t report it is because it’s difficult to prove something happened without some evidence or witnesses. As long as we get away safely, we women probably just chalk it up to a bad experience and try to forget about it. It’s another reminder that everyone needs a plan for how to handle nasty things that turn up unexpectedly.
Cheryl´s Last Fabulous Post [type] ..Bullies at Work – Exceeding Corporate Limits