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Dirty Looks and How to Throw One: Earning Respect & Setting Boundaries
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Dr. Wilhelm Reich observed that lowering the brows was a form of body armoring (“life-annulling energy in opposition to orgone”) and a sure sign of unwillingness to submit to authority. I prefer your more positive re-frame as a way to set boundaries and earn respect.
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hi Diane,
I like lowering my chin as well as my brows. Thanks for adding your thoughts and thank you for sending the link to Ellen Snortland’s Huffington Post article. I’ve added it to the link list on this page. Stay connected!
Twitter: fatibony
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Very interesting article I have not really come across one. It’s funny coz I gave my little nephew a dirty look coz he was being naughty(setting boundaries) but he didn’t take much notice of me so I raised my voice and what did he do? He gave me some dirty look instead I couldn’t help but laugh… thanks for sharing.
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Kids give the best dirty looks. They forget to censor themselves. Which, of course, lands them in hot water. It’s an effective, natural expression. Sounds like the look you sent your nephew wasn’t as fierce as the one you got back. LOL! Thanks for visiting! Come back again soon.
Cheryl – I am VERY good at giving the dirty look. I acquired it during high school and if I give someone the look they know it! (I save it for special occasions though. . .)
I just remembered that you emailed me but I think it was right before I went out of town – I’ll email you in the morning!
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hi Diane,
Perpetual dirty look. Not very attractive. Special occasions, as needed works best! I’m looking forward to hearing from you,
I’m not surprised that someone as determined as you are knows how to deliver the look effectively. Using it only when necessary is a key point. If we do it too often, our face might stay that way.
Cheryl
Email me please….got your message on my blog…NOW AM SO NERVOUS…
I need to find out exactly what you want from me…am game….xx
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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haha! I’m glad you’re game. This is going to be fun. Nervous is good. I would be too…but in a good way.
What I have learned is that people will respect you when you learn to respect yourself. People treat you the way that you allow them to. When you learn to love yourself then respect from others will happen. You teach others how to treat you by the way that you treat yourself. Great article. Mom’s use “the look” to tell their kids to behave or else all the time.
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Patricia,
That is exactly the thought I wanted to leave people with. Going numb is NOT an option! Sometimes, when people are teasing (bullying), we go along with it “don’t want to make waves”. By doing that, we broadcast to everyone that we will tolerate being treated without respect, without honor. The “dirty look” lets people know that they’re messing with the wrong person. If anyone needs some back-up, I’ll lend you my fierce cat. LOL!
Boundaries are extremely effective and should be taught by parents at an early age. I learned my “look” from my mother who was the consummate look-giver if someone was out of line. It speaks volumes, doesn’t it?
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hi Cherlock,
The right look does speak volumes. What I like most is NOT having to say anything else. Everyone adjusts their behavior. Works perfectly with parents and their children. Your mother prepared you well. The right “look” is like having “mad” money. You’re prepared to take good care of yourself.
Twitter: getinthehotspot
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Yes, pretty glad you weren’t directing that dirty look at us. I pity the guy off camera who was on the receiving end.
Some people need to practice but I like that you included some pics of kids giving withering looks. My four year old has it down pat. Don’t know where she gets it from:)
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hi Annabel,
We know where she gets that withering look from – she has a good teacher. haha! A withering look. I couldn’t think of what else we call those kinds of looks. Excellent tool in the conversational self-defense arsenal.
I LOVE THIS POST! And I hope I never get one of YOUR dirty looks…yikes! Terrific photo, Cheryl!(I’m just trying to figure out exactly WHAT someone did to get THAT look on your face. “I pity the fool…”
Habit #38 is so critical if you want to be happy…hard to do sometimes, but I have to agree with you 100% on the ‘reward’ aspect of it.
Great list of things to do to earn respect, as well! I like “overcoming the odds” the best…wise advice, “Ragsdini”.
Twitter: thatgirlisfunny
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Hey Freddie,
Or are you Mr. T tonight? I spend much more time smiling and laughing than tossing off dirty looks. I like having an effective option though.
Just Say No!