thatgirlisfunny.com

Adventures in Living a Healthy, Juicy Life

by Cheryl Ragsdale

Giving someone a dirty look – by that I mean the kind of look that stops people in their tracks when they’re doing something or saying something disrespectful to you.  Dirty looks are a natural response to being disrespected.

Lately, I’ve been noticing people allowing themselves to be diminished or invalidated – meaning walked on like a doormat – by others. I find that upsetting.

It’s so easily handled when you know how to throw a dirty look effectively.  Dirty looks require practice, good timing and the willingness to back up your look with strong words, if necessary. Really effective dirty looks require no words at all. People recognize their error and back down. Isn’t that how it works when someone throws you a dirty look?

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Establishing Boundaries

We use dirty looks to issue a warning and establish boundaries.  We all know someone who gets treated like this hapless lass in this cartoon:

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

The trouble is, when you let someone get away with treating you that way once, they do it over and over again.

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Respect:

-  a feeling or attitude of admiration and deference toward somebody or something

-  to pay attention to and refrain from violating something

-  to show consideration or thoughtfulness in relation to somebody or something

-  to value, have reverence for or hold a high opinion of

-  to admire

Removing people from my life who are disrespectful to me has been one of the most difficult and most rewarding habits I’ve taken on in my quest to “Stay Young – from the Inside Out”.  It takes something to stand up to people.

Habit #38: Say NO, when you mean NO.

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Earning Respect

Here’s another example of being disrespected from dumbemployed.com

“At work today, I was watering the office plants when I looked inside the dirt pot. I found a key ring, a piece of gum, an empty Mountain Dew bottle and a business card inside. It was my business card. I’m dumbemployed.”

How do we earn respect from others?

• vanquishing foes
• winning
• losing bravely
• getting the job done well
• overcoming the odds
• doing the best we can
• being responsible for putting our best foot forward
• fighting for what we believe in
• NOT tolerating being dishonored or shamed

Another question to ask is: Are you disrespecting yourself? Do you make promises that you fail to keep?  Do you say you’ll do something and then fail to perform –  no show or accidentally forget?  You reap what you sow.  Start with yourself. Where’s your pride? Self-respect is honoring to yourself and to the people around you. If you want respect, be the person “we can set a clock by”.

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Introducing the Experts

Here’s the good news and the bad news. The good news is that it’s not hard to set good boundaries. The bad news is the responsibility for setting boundaries rests entirely with you. No one is going to do it for you. When you respect yourself, other people will respect you too. When you stand up for yourself, other people will stand up for you too. But, no one will fight your battles for you.

More bad news – like attracts like – if you disrespect others, others will disrespect you too.  Hey, what goes around, comes around.

Not sure what to do when someone is being disrespectful? Like any other habit, standing up for yourself must be practiced on a regular basis. Practice setting and maintaining good boundaries.

Every person in the world has a version of a dirty look. We’ll help you find yours. It works beautifully – don’t even have to say anything.  It’s not a special trick. In fact, you already

know how to throw effective dirty looks.  Some of us have just forgotten how to do it. I brought in a team of experts to demonstrate and help us remember how to throw effective dirty looks.

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When I feel respected, I’m able to let my guard down. I notice who’s around when I feel the need to keep my guard up and where I feel comfortable taking it down.  That might sound strange to you, but I’ve only recently learned to recognize that I had an option.

Try it! You’ll be happier. Everyone will know where they stand with you. You’ll feel more balanced, more solid, more grounded.  What you

believe about yourself shows up on your face.  Make sure yours is communicating the right message at the right time.

Oh, there is that other dirty look. The look we reserve for men who deserve it.  Ladies, I can show you how to rock that look too.  We’re gonna need a different panel of experts…

Be respectful to people. Life works better that way.  No Respect.  No Yo-Yo.

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Looking for other people’s comments?

They are on the right hand side of this post.

How have you been standing up for yourself lately?

Leave a comment or else send a link with a good example that you found on-line:
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The “51 Must-Know Habits for Staying Young – from the Inside Out” Gift Basket Give-Away is sponsored by Genuine Health featuring healthy products for your inside and your outside.

Genuine Health is a proud sponsor of Sustainable Oceans. For every Happy Place posted , they donate 50 cents to the David Suzuki Foundation in support of healthy fisheries and oceans. Click to post your happy place!

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photo credits: personal photos of Cheryl Ragsdale, little boy,  Hillary Clinton, drawing, google images,  little red headed girl, cat

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